You Carry My Heart
by tankygirl
Summary: DS. A series of one shots of moments missed between Dan and Serena.
1. 4x04

4x04

_There are some things I wanna tell you._

Serena sat in the town car, those eight words playing over and over in her head. The lights of the city reflected off the window, and she considered how sudden night had come upon her, how sudden the whole day had come upon her.

_I was walking, found myself at your door._

Experience- and Lily- had always taught Serena to guard her feelings when it came to men, yet the smile had come unbidden to her face when she saw Dan there, crooked grin on his face and all. Like it was three years ago and nothing since had been real. _But it is real, and things have happened…Miss Carr and Aaron and Gabriel happened. Georgina and Vanessa, Tripp, Nate, Georgina again…._

Georgina.

There aren't words to describe how she felt at the loft when Dan had walked in with Vanessa, let alone when the words _my son_ fell from his lips. The surge of jealousy she felt at Juliet's possessive hold of Nate's hand paled by comparison, though Serena was proud that she was able to save her tears for when she made it into the car. The ache was a familiar one; she felt it at Lily and Bart's wedding, and again in the elevator the following summer; when she saw Dan with Lexie as Aaron fawned at her side, or when she found out about he and Miss Carr.

She's pretty sure it's how heartbreak feels.

But Serena has never been one to learn. Though she knew it was Vanessa Dan was going home to she didn't even bother to cancel room service before walking out the door with him.

Vanessa.

Looking back over the years Serena wonders if the dark haired girl has a sixth sense for when she and Dan were having an intimate moment. A half-dressed tumble from his single bed back in high school, _Hey Dan, you hungry?,_ comes to mind immediately. Still, whatever Dan was going to say to Serena earlier that day hadn't stopped him running after Vanessa. Serena knew what she wanted to hear him say, and a thousand different ways to say it, however that fact frightened her. But that wasn't why she was heading to the loft so late.

Lily had told Serena about Milo two days before Dan showed up at her door, all smiles and flirtatious brown eyes. She hadn't pushed the issue when he brought it up; she better than anyone knew what it was like to have people hold you still when all you want to do is run. So they walked through the park and ate pretzels and ice cream, and she laughed when he managed to get some on his chin, wiping it off gently before realising she may have crossed a line.

But despite his jovial attitude, she knew Dan was burying his pain. Rufus, Lily and Vanessa staged an intervention that Serena knew would never work; Dan was too stubborn. And despite his throwaway attitude, _I just got my life back, _she knew somewhere inside Milo's absence was eating him alive. This was Dan, the boy who had told her they couldn't watch The Lion King because it was too sad when Mufasa died; the boy who would pick up insects from the sidewalk so they weren't crushed. He was the man who was there when her father left for a second time, the only person who didn't look at her with _I told you so_ dancing about their eyes. There was no way he didn't care that Georgina had spirited away the baby he thought was his.

As Serena made her way up the stairs to the loft, she wondered if Vanessa would answer the door. She'd be furious, maybe, or contemptuous. _As long as she isn't smug…_ She didn't relish the thought of confrontation, but Dan needed her (she hoped), and that mattered more.

She knocked at the door, bracing for the pinched face of Vanessa Abrams. When no answer came, she knocked again, pushing gently on the door handle,

"Hello? Dan?" Still no response, Serena opened the door slightly, "Dan?"

Silence.

"…Vanessa?" She called, half hoping there was no answer.

His voice replied softly, "Serena?" She walked into the kitchen and found him on the couch nearest the window, a scotch on the table.

_Scotch?_ Immediately she knew she had done the right thing in coming, Vanessa be damned, "Hey, I'm sorry to be here so late, I just…." She trailed off as he continued to look out the window, not sure if he was listening. After a moment,

"Yeah, I'm sorry too."

"Sorry for what?" Serena sat tentatively at the other end of the couch, unsure how close to get.

"About today, the party. I should've come back, or called or texted." He looked down at his hands, _look at me, _she thinks.

Instead, "It's okay, you had stuff to deal with I guess. Important stuff." _Why do you sound sad, don't be sad, you're hear for him! _But it's already said, soft and afraid. She looks at her hands on her lap, playing with the fringes of the quilt on the couch. She freezes when one of his hands rests on hers, his strong hands. _Strong and gentle, how is that possible?_

"Important, but not more important." Dan's still not looking at her, but she's too focused on the feel of his thumb stroking her knuckles to notice, "Not more important than what I had to say."

It's still no guarantee that he feels as she does, but at that moment Serena stopped caring. He was close, so close she could feel the heat of his body beside hers and his fingers were laced with hers like they were a lifetime ago when they first met. Serena tries to meet his gaze, but he's staring to her left at a box. She can see blankets and rattles poking out the top, and her heart breaks a little for him,

"Dan…"

"It's stuff Georgina left behind. She didn't want it. That's fine, I mean, why would she, she can afford to buy him whatever he wants. Plus I bet his father could pay for anything and everything, what do they need with my old blankets and toys?" He rambles on, and Serena knows he's more hurt than she realised. Freeing her hands from his grasp, she turns his face so he's looking straight at her, brown eyes hazy with scotch and bitterness and pain. She runs her thumb up and down over the hair at his temple,

"Dan, it is okay to miss him." He's silent for a moment, takes her hands in his own and places them back in her lap,

"He wasn't mine." He says slowly, sharply, and gets up to leave. Serena stands up after him, blocking his way,

"Don't pull that on me, Dan. I know you, I know you care. You can fool my Mum and Rufus, Nate and Vanessa all you want but you cannot fool me." Her blue eyes meet his chocolate ones, and his defiant gaze falters just a little. He looks over at the box of his son's things, _no, not your son_, he corrects. Serena runs a hand up his arm to rest at the back of his neck, and she whispers softly, "It's okay not to be able deal with this," in the gentlest voice he's ever heard, and he can't bury it any longer.

Dan closes his eyes and presses his lips together, looking down. They are mere inches apart, and just as Serena thought he was going to push her away a choked sob comes from his lips. The sound is by far the worst thing she has ever heard in her life, and is followed by another as he takes a half a step closer and buries his face in her blonde curls,

"Oh, Dan…" Serena rubs between his shoulder blades with one hand, the other still encircling his neck, stroking the ringlets at the base of his skull. He's a mess of betrayal and misery as they drop to the floor, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist as if he is afraid she'll leave. Though she had never been a violent person, in that moment if Georgina Sparks had been in front of her Serena would have ripped her in half.

Dan mumbles something against her shoulder, but it is so drowned in sobs she doesn't catch it,

"Hmmm?" She prompts, her hand moving play with the hair at the back of his head,

"He wasn't mine…" He sounds so distraught Serena feels tears well up in her own eyes, and she turns to look at his face. Dan's brown eyes seem more swampy than chocolate, and tracks from tears make his cheeks glisten. She isn't sure what to say, so she pulls down the comforter, covers them both, and pushes him to lie down. He meekly drops to the floor on his side and she rests his head in her lap, brushing the side of his face with the back of her knuckles. Dan sniffs; he is still crying,

"I'm…I'm sorry…" He says, voice breaking.

"Shhh…. It's okay to cry," Serena answers gently, leaning down to place a chaste kiss on his temple. He grasps one of her hands, intertwining their fingers. _Like a lifetime ago…_

"Serena?"

"Yeah?"

"Will…will you be here tomorrow?"

She smiles, squeezing his hand, "As long as you want me here," she whispers, "There are some things I wanna tell you."


	2. 4x04 part 2

Disclaimer: This is the CW's sandbox, I'm just playing in it. I own nothing.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I will email back those who have accounts when my Internet isn't so awful :) Good to see there's still DS shippers out there. This is my first actual fanfiction and I'm worried about characterisations, so if they seem off I'm sorry, I'll get better as it goes hopefully. Also, any ideas for oneshots people want to throw my way are welcome, my own list is pretty short at the moment.

I'm not planning on this being a chapter story, but this came to mind anyway. It's a continuation of the previous chapter, an extension of 4x04

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><p>As he moves in his sleep, a sharp cramp through his back wakes him. Stretching out his stiff legs, Dan slowly becomes aware of the hardwood floor beneath him, instantly regretting the decision to sleep on the floor. Something soft and warm is supporting his head, and when he looks up to see Serena's golden hair shining in the morning light that filters through the windows he can't help but regret it a little less. Her lips are parted slightly, and she has the most innocent look to her when she sleeps it's hard for him to stand it. It's like he's seventeen again and watching her doze next to him in his room, <em>no-one's ever looked at me the way you just did. <em>Where the Parisian sun has lightened her hair it has darkened the light spray of freckles over her nose.

_It was worth sleeping on the floor._

There was a time last year Dan thought he would never see her this way again. They had been close at the end of summer, but suddenly she was all wrapped up in Carter Baizen (bad) then Nate Archibald (worse). He was suspicious of Carter, but it was Serena's relationship with Nate that chipped away at him the most. Somewhere inside Dan had always been wary of him, ever since the Bass brunch after they'd first met. Nate was everything Dan wasn't; light where he was dark, sure where he was wary, sporty where he was academic. The memory of him making moon eyes at Serena from across the room while they picked over caviar still made him seethe, and at that stage she wasn't even his.

So Serena spent the year playing with her own, with Carter and Tripp and Nate, and Dan did the same. He stuck to NYU (as far from the Upper East Side as he could get) and stuck to Vanessa and Georgina and Olivia (as far from Serena as he could get). But Georgina was a psycho, _you trusted her anyway, _and Olivia, for all her fame, was plain. No matter how much he threw himself into his relationship with Vanessa, he'd still look at her in bed and wish her hair was golden and her eyes a darker shade of blue; she was too short and her laugh was all wrong. He came so close to calling her Serena one night when they were together he opted to remain totally silent every time afterwards.

Dan tries to work the kinks out of his arms and legs without waking her, noticing how their hands are linked together, resting on his shoulder. It would be sweet if they were dating, but they weren't, and he wonders what he's supposed to take from last night. He's still mulling it over when her fingers tighten around his,

"Mmmm…who's idea was it to sleep here?" Serena's voice is heavy with waking as she twists her neck, pushing away the comforter.

Dan smiles, "Its better than that time you suggested we sleep on the roof." She giggles, rubbing her eyes; _it's not fair for her to be _that_ cute, _

"Hey, it seemed romantic at the time."

"Oh yeah, I'm not sure what was the more romantic part, getting rained on or getting locked out," Her eyes open, soft and sleepy, and she smacks him. It was meant for his arm but she's groggy and manages to get him in the face, "oww, was that necessary?" Dan touches his nose gingerly.

She's either too tired to notice or it's a force of habit, but he looks like such a little boy in her lap that it's not till she's closed the gap halfway that Serena realises she's about to kiss it better. She stops as his alert brown eyes meet her navy ones, and the atmosphere gets rapidly awkward. They stare at eachother for a moment,

"Serena…"

A ringing makes them both jump, and she's grateful to his cellphone for breaking the tension,

"It's Vanessa."

_Of course it is,_ she thinks, less grateful. She wonders if the dark haired girl actually has cameras hidden in the loft. It rings out, but it makes no difference; the jovial atmosphere is gone. Now she's stuck beneath him trying to guess how he feels about last night, unaware he's doing the same.

_Maybe she was here to let me down easy, tell me she loves Nate. Or maybe it was all about Milo... _

_Maybe he was going to tell me he loves Vanessa, or he just needed a shoulder to cry on over Milo…_

Neither of them wants to talk, so they sit in silence. Dan curses his cowardice, _for the love of God, be a man. _He opens his mouth to speak when she shifts her legs beneath him and he moves his head to allow her to get up. Neither of them are particularly graceful, and when one of his hands brushes the outside of her breast he loses his train of thought immediatelt.

_Get a grip Humphrey_!

"Umm, maybe I should go…" Serena's voice snaps him into focus, and he frowns,

"What? Go, why?"

She shifts uncomfortably, "That was Vanessa, wasn't it?"

Dan sighs, moving to sit beside her. She curls her legs up under herself, careful not to touch him. He stretches out beside her, _all in Humphrey._

"Serena-"

"I'm sorry about Nate." She blurts, cutting him off. It is the last thing he expected her to say, and she moves her gaze to meet his, "I'm sorry about Nate," this time softer.

He knows what it could mean and what he wants it to mean, but Dan is a writer, and writers need careful exposition, "What do you mean?"

She shrugs a little; she's never been a person of words as he has. He gives her a minute to think about it before her answer comes, shy and wary, "I'm sorry about the text message to you both, and for making you feel like I was choosing between you. I should have been honest, but I came here and you had Vanessa and Milo, and he's still one of my best friends Dan, I don't want to lose him but-" Serena's waving her hands about as she speaks and has returned to looking at the chair opposite them because she needs to get this out, and if he looks at her with pity or sympathy she'll falter.

Dan isn't even sure what she's saying anymore, but it doesn't matter. He catches her hands in one of his, and she stills. Turning her to face him, he hates the fear uncertainty in her features, "I'm the one who rambles, remember?" Serena smiles a little, unsure. Dan strokes the side of her face as she did for him the night before, his thumb running over the outside of her brow,

"When I came to that party last night, there were some things I wanted to tell you. First of all, I did not find myself at your door yesterday, it was you I wanted to see about Milo," the wound there is still fresh, but what he has to say is too important to wait, "Secondly, I am sorry too, about Vanessa and dropping the news about Milo on you at the loft." Serena bites her lip, nodding,

"It's okay." She replies quietly, "I should have told you were my choice earlier, but I was so afraid of losing Nate. I _am _so afraid of losing Nate…why are you staring at me?"

She said it so casually, so softly Dan's not sure he heard it, "You chose me?"

Serena laughs, his face at that moment is too precious, a mix of hope, happiness and reticence, "I broke up with Nate before I left for Paris, Dan. I chose you a long time ago." He swears he can actually feel the doubt leave his body and be replaced with energetic euphoria, _she chose me she wants me she loves me._ Serena looks at him expectantly, waiting for his reaction,

"Oh thank God," He breathes a dramatic sigh of relief, releasing her and sitting back against the couch theatrically. Serena giggles, "Don't mock me Humphrey, I know you were worried."

"What, me? Never. As soon as Georgina showed up at my door, I thought 'Yeah, I'm in. No woman can resist the allure of one a.m feeds and baby vomit.'" Her smile is the same one he'd seen on her face countless times before, at Cotillion and prom, one particular Christmas Eve. Her blue eyes light up with mirth, and she moves to sit flush against his side, her head resting on his shoulder. Dan kisses her forehead, looping an arm around her.

The feel of her warmth up his side makes him more content than anything he ever felt with Vanessa, even as it rekindles his urge to touch her. He is unsure how much to share, and glances down at her.

_Screw it._

"Before she showed up at my door, I was going to fly to Paris and tell you I loved you." He mumbles against her skin, and she looks up at him, "I do. I still do."

Serena matches his gaze, _he always knows._ He knows how afraid she is of those words, how difficult it is for her to say them, and how much she needs to hear them first. _Nate never understood, Nate never said them back…_

"I came here from the party last night, because I love you," it's as quiet and scared as it was the first time she said it, and he tightens his hold on her, "I don't know how not to."

They don't matter. Miss Carr, Gabriel, Tripp, OliviaVanessaCarter, they all happened and they don't matter. Dan leans down to brush her lips with his own carefully, and Serena smiles into the kiss as she grabs a handful of his dark curls. It's soft and gentle, and his hand wanders down her back to where the red dress exposes her skin. Dan laughs,

"I told you, this dress is not fair,"

Serena giggles, "You know I don't play fair."

She rests her forehead against his before kissing him again.


	3. Pre 3x01

Thankyou to the people who are reviewing. Gwen, cj, ann and mitch, I can't email you cause you aren't registered, so here's a public thankyou :)

Sorry for the angst, I'll try something lighter next time.

The summer between season two and three.

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><p>He's been in the Hamptons for two months when Serena arrives out of nowhere. Dan doesn't see her, but Cece tells Eric who tells Jenny who tells him, and though they haven't seen hide nor hair of her the bags in the foyer have European tags on them so it must be true.<p>

Last he had seen of Serena had been an awkward goodbye before she left for the airport. In the two years they had known eachother most of the time had been spent dating or floating in the weird pseudo-dating space. The one of the few instances they had tried being platonic friends had gone seriously awry, and her face at that bar, _so what Dan, it hurts,_ was something he'd never forgive himself for.

Still, they tried. Serena smiled shyly at him, _I guess I'll see you in the fall, _and when they hugged he had to consciously keep his hands from wandering.

Either way, she was back suddenly and earlier than expected, and thus far had spoken to no-one. He was contemplating going up to her room when the doorbell rang, and being a boy from Brooklyn he opened it without thinking to let the maid do it.

"Oh, Dan Humphrey, right?" Carter Baizen raised an eyebrow, the only indication he was taken aback by Dan's presence. _Why are Upper East Sider's always so nonchalant?_

"Yeah, thanks for remembering," He isn't sure what Baizen is doing there, but something male in him makes him stand taller, blocking the doorway. Carter looks him over, all smirk and smugness. Dan can feel the contempt radiate from him,

"Yeah, I'm looking for Serena actually."

"She's not here." It's the first thing that comes to mind and Dan wishes he had more control over what came out of his mouth. Carter glances at her suitcase, still by the doorway and chuckles,

"Really?"

_Why am I such an idiot?_

"Yes. Well no, I'm lying, she's here, but she doesn't want to speak to you." He has no idea where this is coming from but it's fuelled by protectiveness, and a little jealousy if he's honest.

"Really?" Carter asks again, and if Dan could wipe that smug half smile from his face without Cece kicking him out of her house he would. They stare eachother down for a moment,

"Okay Humphrey, I'm not going to have a stand-off with you over this. Just tell Serena she can't ignore what happened in Europe forever." Dan must look confused, because Carter gains an air of superiority (more so than usual), "Oh, she mustn't have told you about that. Hmmm." He walks down the path to his waiting limo, "You tell her I'm here if she wants someone she can talk to," he shouts over his shoulder. Dan felt the overwhelming urge to follow him and punch him in his entitled face.

_She's not your girlfriend anymore._

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><p>A quiet knock disturbs the silence of her room, and Serena hopes beyond hope it's not Eric. How does she explain to her little brother their father doesn't want them? Serena says nothing, <em>maybe they'll go away.<em>

"Serena?" It's Dan's voice, and she's surprised how glad she is it's him, "Hey, can I come in?"

"Yeah." She answers softly, not turning to face the door.

Dan pads into the room as quietly as he can, regarding her form all curled up on the bed. The queen size makes her look tiny, and despite the splendid mix of yellow and orange embellishing the room the atmosphere is fragile and oppressive. Serena doesn't move when he walks in, her golden curls- lighter than the last time he saw her- tumble across the pillows.

Serena feels his weight settle on the other side of her bed, and if they were still together she'd roll over, wrap her arms about him and tell him everything. How she could add 'being a daughter' to her list of failures, though as far as Lily is concerned that happened long ago. She'd cry and Dan would rub her back like he always did when she was upset, making her feel safe.

_But he isn't your boyfriend, and you aren't together._

"So you'll never guess who was just at the door." Serena is silent, and Dan cringes at the awkwardness, "It was umm, Carter Baizen. Who I realised is right up there with Chuck as one of my favourite people."

_Carter? Ugh, why?_

Serena groans a little burying her face into the pillow. Her impromptu flight from Europe had come mere hours after her father had rebuked her yet again and she hadn't told Carter. On the plane she was glad; she really did like him. If anything that made it worse; Serena knew he had deeper feelings for her than she did for him, but he could help her find her father where no-one else could. So she smiled at his flirtations, brushing his hand with her every so often until Carter's gaze and her father's rejection all became too much and she ran as far and fast as she could.

Straight back to Dan, it would seem.

"Yeah, he mentioned something about Europe?"

_Carter, you bastard._

"I don't want to talk about it."

Dan was accustomed to this response from Serena, and it told him whatever was going on was serious. There's still quite a distance between them on the bed, and he scoots a little closer,

"Maybe not, but you can't stay in this room for the rest of the summer."

Serena sniffles, "Yes I can."

Dan laughs, she sounds like such a little girl, and she can't help but giggle at herself too. She so badly wants to tell him, but if she says it out loud the whole world will know Serena Van der Woodsen's dad doesn't love her.

"Look, if you don't want to talk that's fine, but my Dad's making us dinner tonight and people will probably notice if you aren't there."

_My Dad… Rufus. Rufus who loves him._ Rufus, who cooked dinner for his kids and asked them how their day was. Who went the extra mile to help Dan get into college, and supported Jenny's dreams to be a fashion designer. Rufus who was there every night when they came home. Rufus who loved them.

Serena's shoulders give a little shake, and Dan frowns as a soft, sad sound comes from her. He isn't sure what their relationship is now or the rules of it, but when she shudders again he couldn't care less.

Reaching over to lay a hand on her shoulder, he speaks gently, "Hey…"

Serena surprises him by rolling over, wrapping her arms around his middle and burying her face in his shirt. Dan has no idea what he said, or didn't say, but he runs a hand through her blonde hair, the other stroking her back. After a few minutes he sweeps the golden locks back from her face, leaning down to look at her,

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong now?"

_Not really. _But she's cuddled up to him, and if she doesn't tell Dan there's a good chance she'll never tell anyone. So Serena sighs, _just because you haven't said it doesn't make it unreal._

"I spent the summer looking for my father. That's why Carter was here, he was helping me." Dan remains silent, waiting for her to go on.

_Don't say it _her mind begs of her,

"Is that it? You didn't find him?"

She laughs mirthlessly, _I wish, _"I did. I found him."

Serena is quiet again, _it's like pulling teeth, _he thinks, "Was he not happy to see you?"

Her shoulders shake under his hands, "I wouldn't know," she's crying again, "I didn't see him."

"But I thought-"

"I didn't see him because he didn't want to see me. He doesn't want me." Her voice is heavy and wet, _don't cry, you're too beautiful to cry._ Dan pulls her up to sit level with him and she wipes her face with the side of her hands to no effect; more tears take their place.

"Serena-"

"I mean, your parents are supposed to love you no matter what, right? No matter how much of a screw up you are, they'll always be there. I thought my relationship with my Mum was just because she's…."

"Because she's Lily?" Dan supplies and Serena laughs a little through her tears,

"Yeah. But I haven't seen my father since I was four, and he still wants nothing to do with me." He sighs, lost for words (for once). She's calmed somewhat, and her red rimmed blue eyes look to him,

"What did I do wrong?" It's soft and begs for an answer Dan doesn't have.

He shakes his head at her, "Oh, Serena. You didn't do anything wrong. Some people, they just….they aren't worth it."

She knows this already, knows it to be true, but she wishes he could say something else. Something that would absolve her father of guilt, some elaborate excuse for why he ran from her then brushed her off when she caught up.

"I…I wanted him to want me so badly. I wanted him to want to be my Dad. I wanted him to love me."

They're sitting next to eachother, both resting against the bed's headboard. Serena has her head leaning on his shoulder slightly, and his left arm is around her. It might have been romantic, but she's too vulnerable and he feels more protective than anything. Dan regards her profile, her little pout still quivering a little.

"You don't need him Serena, you have people here who love you. You have your Mum, and Eric, and Nate, Blair, Chuck, Cece, m….." He freezes,

_Me? Idiot!_

He does love her, he'll always love her, but Dan's not sure if it's an appropriate thing to say. Her navy blue eyes stare at him, brows knitted together delicately,

"You?"

_Too late. Dammit._

"..yeah, I mean you said it yourself, you can't just..turn it off. Right?" Now he's the vulnerable one. They aren't about to get back together, he knows that. That isn't what this is about, _not today at least_. This is something less passionate but more enduring; it's what their friendship will be built on. It's the closest they've been- emotionally and physically- since they broke up earlier in the year, and Serena feels more comfortable sitting next to him now than she has in months.

Her smile reaches her eyes for the first time since he walked in, small as it is, "Right."

"I don't mean..this isn't my way of trying to-"

Serena giggles, he's still so nervous, "I know, I know what you mean. Thankyou." Dan smiles gently, nodding slightly, "And I want you to know, I love you too."

His heart races to hear it like it did the first time though it means something different here and now. Her eyes are still a faded red, and there's a sad curve to her mouth, but at least she isn't crying. He bumps her shoulder with his own,

"So, do you want to go downstairs? There's some Ben & Jerry's in the freezer, and I brought my travel Scrabble." Dan wiggles his eyebrows, trying to sell his idea and make her smile. It works, but she shakes her head,

"Do you mind if we just…sit here for a while?"

He nods again, settling in a little closer against her side. Serena sighs, looping an arm through his.

Her father doesn't love her. But Lily and Eric and Cece do, Blair, Nate and Chuck. Dan. _Most of all Dan. _And right now, with the heat from his body radiating up her side and his shoulder strong beneath her cheek, that feels like enough.


	4. Chapter 4

Future fluff. This genre is foreign to me, so be gentle. A huge thanks to all of my reviewers, you guys keep the updates flowing :)

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><p><em>Connect the A frame to legs D and F and secure.<em> Dan squints at the piece in his hand that is definitely not the A frame, and makes a helpless sound as he drops it into the pile of varnished wood. He looks at the semi-finished product in front of him, critically examining the corner that meets at an awkward angle.

"Hey, I didn't realise we were building him a tepee." Serena's amused voice floats over to him as she wanders into the room, a litre tub of yoghurt in one hand and a spoon in the other. She slides into the armchair in the corner, folding one leg under herself and smiling with mirth at her husband's irate form. Frowning at his work so far, he turns to look at Serena. She's got the glow about her, and her sunny curls cascade freely around her shoulders while her navy eyes sparkle with mischief.

"How does it look like a tepee?"

She tilts her head, "From this angle it does…not a stable one though." She says with a giggle, tearing open a packet of pistachios and dumping the whole lot into her yoghurt. Dan watches her mix them in and glances at his work, realising with despair that it does looks more like a tepee than a cot. A frustrated sound escapes him and he flings the instructions away,

"It would help if this wasn't written in gibberish."

Slowly getting up Serena meanders over to him, and he grabs her arm as she drops gainfully to the floor. She waves him away, "I'm not infirm, Dan." The swell of her belly is obvious under the shirt of his she's wearing, and he lays a hand on it affectionately,

"I'm just trying to take care of my girls." Swallowing a mouthful of nuts and yoghurt, Serena shakes her head, "He and I can take care of ourselves." She's very adamant they're having a boy, while Dan firmly believes their first born will be a girl. It runs in your family, he told her when they had their first ultrasound and saw the baby for the first time.

"You know it's not too late to buy one." She suggests, leaning on him. The last three weeks had seen her tire more and more easily, and Dan was so busy flitting between publicity events for his newest book they've barely see eachother since she entered her third trimester. One day last week he came home to find her sprawled on the floor and _freaked out_ until she roused and drowsily told him she'd fallen asleep after finishing her Pilates exercises. Though it was a false alarm, Dan had decided she wouldn't spend her final weeks pregnant alone in their apartment, and postponed all appearances and book signings.

He wraps an arm around her shoulders, "No, I can do this. My Dad put my crib together; I can put our daughter's together." Serena giggles quietly,

"Yeah, and at this rate it might be ready by our _son's_ first birthday."

He reaches out to grab the instruction manual, "Hey, you try building something following these. An architect couldn't put this cot together." Serena looks over them, popping a spoonful of yoghurt into her mouth. As she licks it clean, Dan stares at her slip her lips around the spoon.

Serena notices his stare, "You want?" She asks, holding out the tub. He snaps out of his trance, wrinkling his nose and leaning back,

"Mmm, no thankyou. You know how I feel about your pregnancy cravings."

She shrugs, "It's better than that thing I had for peanut butter and corn chips."

Dan shudders, and moves from her side to pull a leg out from the pile of pieces, "See, how do I know if this leg is D or F? And what the hell is an A frame?"

"Hmm.. well, if I had to guess, I'd say it's those there. The ones shaped like an 'A'."

Dan picks it up incredulously, snatching the instructions away as Serena laughs girlishly. She's right, and when he drops both items to narrow his eyes at her she breaks into a bout of giggles,

"Maybe we should ask Nate to come over and help."

"How is he going to help?"

She scrapes the last yoghurt from the bottom of the tub, "He used to build boats with his Dad every summer."

"Oh yeah, that would be very helpful if we wanted to raise the baby at sea."

Serena blows a raspberry at him, but she can see he's getting irritable with himself. She crawls over to wrap her arms around his middle from behind as best she can, her belly making it awkward, "What's wrong?" She asks as she nuzzles his neck.

Dan sighs, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, "I just…I'm getting really nervous about this, Serena." He looks into her eyes, full of empathy and concern. "I mean, we've got maybe a month until you're not pregnant anymore and we actually have to be parents. I don't know how to do that"

She rubs his shoulder, "You raised Milo for four months Dan, I saw you. You were great," She kisses his cheek, then his temple; "You'll be great."

"Yeah but that….that's not the same. It's you, and it's _our_ baby and I can't even put together the cot, how am I supposed to be a Dad? I'm already failing the baby and she isn't even born yet."

A slap catches him on the chin, and he winces, "Oww…"

"Daniel Humphrey, stop being ridiculous." There's an adorable frown on her face, and he can tell she's trying to seem forceful. "You are kind, and smart and funny, you're warm and sweet, and our son is lucky to have you as his father." He grins crookedly at her, and she smiles with a self-deprecating light in her eyes, "And if anyone gets to have a hang-up over being a bad parent it's me."

Dan grasps her chin softly, pulling her towards him, "Never." He kisses her softly, encouraging her to open her mouth gently. One hand rests on her belly, the other buried in her tangle of golden locks, and he pulls back to rest his forehead against hers, "There's no-one else I would choose to have my baby, no-one else in the entire world."

"Good, cause it's too late to change your mind now."

He chuckles at his wife, kissing her lightly again before helping her to her feet. They stand together over the mess that is supposed to be the cot, and Serena squeezes his hand in her own,

"Would you like to wrestle with this again tomorrow, or should I text Nate?"

Dan relents, "Yeah, call Nate. The change table is still in its box, and she's going to need somewhere to sleep sooner than her first birthday."

Serena winds her arms about his neck, one hand stroking his hair, "Oh Dan," she smiles at his loving brown eyes, eyes she hopes their baby has, "I'm telling you, it's a boy."


	5. Chapter 5

Yeah, I've really gotten into the fluff thing. And they're mostly futurefics. I honestly meant for this to be one shots from episodes, and I promise it will be, but I'm worried about repeating angsty scenes (which is easier than you'd think) and have never written smut (though I think DS should have had many more :p).

Anyway, this is dedicated to cj, who liked the last chapter enough to ask for me to expand it into a multi chapter fic, which I have decided to do.

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm really sorry man, you know I'd be there if I could."<em>

Dan runs a hand through his unruly dark curls, "Yeah, I'm not even sure why you're not coming."

Nate sighs on the other end of the phone, _"Someone's called in a favour, I have to go."_

"A favour? What…" Dan wrinkles his brow in thought, then realisation dawns on him and he laughs into the speaker, "It's a girl isn't it? You're ditching me for a booty call."

"_What? No, come on, Dan…" _Nate has to be the worst liar he's ever met, and Dan knows he's right as he grasps for a believable excuse. Dan looks balefully at the Xbox and stacks of snacks, the six pack on the counter, "Nate, Nate, relax. I get it, its fine. Some other time."

"_Totally, I'm free next week. I'm sorry to break our date, man."_

"Oooo, date, don't ever call it that again. I don't want those rumours floating around." Dan drops unceremoniously on the couch, picking up Halo Reach and examining the cover.

"_Yeah I regretted it the moment I said it."_

"Okay, well have fun."

Chuckles sound from the phone, _"Oh I will."_ Dan hangs up with a grimace, disliking the visual that he associated with the tone of Nate's voice. They don't get to see each other often anymore; for a while he thought it had something to do with Serena, but whenever he brought it up she'd shake her head, _we were friends before we dated, we're friends now._ Irrespective, Dan had been looking forward to a night of gaming with one of his only male friends, _so much for male camaraderie._ He's more disappointed than angry, and picks up the beers, making his way to the fridge.

The vibration of his phone on the bench top startles him, and he flips it open. It's from Serena, and he smile a little subconsciously,

_Hey, how's the boy's night going?_

She's with Blair and a bunch of random girls who always seem to swarm around them (he never remembers their names, and they change all the time anyway). With both Dan and Serena at school, their spare time meets up rarely. Most of the school year is spent with one of them crawling out of bed before the other, and he can't remember the last time they had a meal together that isn't a Subway wrap on the way to class. Still, Blair is a harsh taskmaster, and Serena agreed to an evening of manicures and Audrey movies before she knew she and Dan would be home together for the first night in a month. He'd taken it is stride and invited Nate over, thinking at least it wouldn't be a waste of a night off.

_It's not, Nate had something come up._

Serena must be bored, because they reply comes less than a minute later, _What? What kind of something?_

A wry smile plays on Dan's lips, and he's tempted to share his theory. _Nothing serious, just an obligation he has to fulfil I guess. Hope Blair's is better xx._

He sits on the couch for a few minutes, and when she doesn't respond he sighs, walking into the bedroom to finish some readings for class.

* * *

><p>Serena cracks open the door to the loft, looking for her boyfriend. The Xbox is still hooked up to the TV opposite the couch, and he hasn't bothered to put away the chips and MNM's. She moves into their kitchen, dumping the boxes of Indian on the counter and pulling her sweater off, scanning for Dan as she threw her hair up into a lazy ponytail.<p>

"Dan? Daaan?" She says quietly, to no avail. She notices their bedroom door ajar, and when she sees him on the bed, novel on his chest where he's dropped it as he drifted off, she can't help but smile at how cute he is.

Serena slips out of her shoes, deftly sitting on the bed beside his head. Dan's lips are slightly parted in sleep, and one of his longer curls is across his forehead. Laughing a little at the sweet sight, she runs her fingers over his brow and presses a feather-light kiss on his nose, "Daaan? Come on, sweetie, wake up." His nose wrinkles as he slowly becomes aware, and he stretches out.

When his hand comes into contact with something warm and solid, Dan opens his eyes to see the hazy form of his girlfriend looming above him. "Mmmmm…Serena? What are you doing home, what time is it?" He trails off with a yawn, sitting up properly.

She smiles sweetly, "Its 6:30 sleepyhead, time for dinner." Serena brushes the curl from his head, allowing him a moment to compose himself.

As he rubs the sleep from his eyes Dan swings his legs off the couch, stretching the kinks from his back. He looks at Serena, and in that moment he's so happy she's here he pulls her into a hug, arms around her middle while hers slip around his neck.

They pull apart and walk into the lounge together, "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you home so early? Nails and facials take longer than a few hours."

"You say this from experience, huh?" Serena asks with mischief in her tone, taking a seat on one of the stools. Dan rolls his eyes at her and she giggles, digging into a box of butter chicken and handing him a fork.

"You told me Nate cancelled on you," she answers simply, offering him the chicken. It's from his favourite Indian place, and he smiles appreciatively as he takes the noodle box,

"Yeah, but that wasn't me hinting you should cancel your night, I had other stuff to do. Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?"

"Cause you would've tried to convince me not to." Serena answers, tearing into a piece of cheese naan.

"Hmm..yes, I would.." He agrees around a mouthful.

"And I know you were looking forward to your night and wanted to surprise you."

It's kind and sweet and very _Serena_, spontaneous and simple. He's always appreciated her small, basic gestures; a note in his bag, a coffee from Starbucks waiting for him in the morning, the kiss on his cheek, _I love you, _when she thinks he's asleep.

"Thankyou, really, thankyou. It means a lot to me." She smiles sunnily, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. Dan gets them a bottle of water from the fridge, "So what do you want to do tonight?"

* * *

><p>"Oh my God, what is that?"<p>

"It's an Elite, they're bad guys, kill it!" Dan shouts as Serena squeals, firing randomly in its direction, "It's got a face like the Predator." She says with distaste.

They're sitting in the loft, packets of potato chips and jaffas scattered around them and are deep in the co-operative campaign of Halo. Dan loves the look on her face, staring intently at the screen and firing wildly at the slightest movement.

"So, why did Nate end up ditching you? You were pretty vague in your text."

Dan swaps his assault rifle for a pistol, "He was pretty vague on the phone. Said someone 'called in a favour'."

Serena wrinkles her nose delicately, "Called in a favour? What does that even mean?"

"I asked the same thing. Whatever it is, he couldn't get out of- Look out, there's snipers on that ridge."

"Already on it Humphrey," She takes them out with a grenade, "What could possibly be more important than you?" Dan is silent, focusing on the game when Serena's airy laugh reaches his ears. He looks next to him to see her face bearing a wide smile as she pats him on the shoulder and talks through her giggles,

"Oh, Dan, he dumped you for sex." She's abandoned the game for a minute, reaching over for a handful of Salt and Vinegar chips.

"He did not," Dan says childishly, "It was something far more important."

Serena cracks into another round of chuckles, "Nothing, and I do mean nothing, is more important to Nate than sex."

Shifting uncomfortably, Dan shrugs, "_If _that's what he's doing, then I'm disappointed in him."

"Oh, as if you wouldn't do the same, "Serena says disbelievingly as she picks her controller up again.

"I have self control, and- what are you doing, that's me!" A grenade explodes and kills them both, and he frowns playfully at her, "Now we have to go back to the checkpoint."

Serena raises her eyebrows at his irate tone, places both controllers on the coffee table and leans towards him. She braces herself over him, one hand on his chest and the other on the couch, and smiles mischievously,

"Self control? You think you'd rather spend the night playing Xbox than with me?" She straddles his lap, body all pressed up against his and Dan feels himself responding to her closeness,

"Uh..no, but that's different.." His voice wobbles as she pushes down on his hips, running her fingers through his hair and meeting his gaze, "Nate's with some random girl, not you."

Dan's hands wander up under her shirt, playing with the straps of her bra, "Hmmm, nice save." Serena murmurs as she kisses him softly where his ear and jaw meet. It's a sensitive spot and he knows she knows that, and moans as Serena nips lightly at his skin. He pulls her tank top over her head swiftly, and she laughs at his eagerness,

"What about the game?"

"It'll be there in the morning." Dan answers, swallowing her giggles and taking the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. She responds enthusiastically, and when one hand reaches done to unbutton his jeans, he's kinda glad Nate cancelled.

* * *

><p>Pointless fluff!<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

I really intended to write an angsty fic, but this was ready first. Futurefic again :)

And was anyone else super proud of Serena last ep? She's too awesome 3

* * *

><p>"Shhhhh! You'll get us caught!" Serena giggles around her words, tugging on Dan's hand. He stifles his own laughter, slipping out of the storeroom into the low light of the gallery that had once been his father's. The darkness casts odd shadows across the contemporary pieces of the walls and Dan stops to look at one which reminds him of a Rorschach test,<p>

"This is hideous; do people actually pay money for this?"

His fiancé puts her finger to his lips, "Shhhhhhhhh!" She's quite tipsy, they both are, and she tumbles into him accidently. Dan catches one hand, the other still up against his face and they stagger backwards together. They'd spent majority of the day doing last minute shopping, battling against the Christmas Eve crowds and eventually collapsing back at the loft. Serena had peeled off her gloves as Dan made them hot chocolate, then came bounding in with all the energy and grace of a Labrador pup, _Dan! It's snowing!_

They stood at the window watching it in awe for a moment, Serena slipping her arm through his. She smiled sunnily at him, _we're not doing anything else today, _and he replaced the hot chocolate with a few glasses of wine while Serena cooked them spaghetti (under his strict supervision). Two hours later Dan had tickled her side as they lay on the couch, _is this your best Christmas in the history of Christmas? _Serena shrieked with laughter, rolling on top of him, _not yet, but I know how to make it that way._ He's not sure whether it's the wine or her lips against his neck, but somehow breaking into the gallery seemed like a good thought.

At the time.

"This might be the worst idea you've ever had, Serena." Dan says as they pad through the hall to reach the gallery space. She makes an amused sound,

"That is so not true Dan Humphrey, what about that time I tried to cook dinner for our anniversary?" He cringes at the memory of chicken burnt at the outside and pink inside, "Or when I let Blair plan our engagement party?"

"My mother did not appreciate being mistaken for the help…"

"She wore black and white to a party, who does that? Anyway, what about that Thanksgiving we pretended to date to get rid of…" Serena stops abruptly in front of him, her brow furrowed in thought.

"Gabriel?" Dan suggests.

Serena clicks her fingers, "Yes, Gabriel! I couldn't even remember his name, that isn't good is it?"

He wraps his arms around her middle, pressing a kiss into her neck, temple, the shell of her ear, "It's the wine." She turns in his grip, eyes bright and playful,

"Mister Humphrey, are you trying to take advantage of me in my slightly drunken state?" Serena kisses along his jaw gently, one hand playing with his short dark ringlets. He sighs a little under her attention, "If anyone is taking advantage of anyone, it's you. You plied me with alcohol and convinced me to break into an art gallery,"

She giggles lightly into his skin, "Is it still breaking in if you have a key? It isn't our fault they didn't change the locks."

Dan's playing with the hem of her shirt, and when he slips a hand underneath to brush the smooth skin of her hip Serena pushes him away. He frowns, "What, are my hands cold?"

"Noooo….but I didn't break in here not to find our spot," she responds, grinning as she darts away around the corner with more deftness he would think given her state. Dan tries after her but stumbles in his haste, more drunk than he'd like to admit,

"How are you doing that, you're drunk! And I told you it was breaking in!"

Her laughter comes from his left, and he follows the wall until he sees her sitting in the middle of the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Dan pauses a minute, taking in the sight of Serena. The skylight allows a glow to fall to the floor and she's right beneath it, gold-spun hair reflecting the light of the city and eyes sparkling with child-like glee. She's sitting with effortless grace, legs folded under her and arms braced behind her. She looks just the way she did that Christmas Eve years ago, down to the expression on her face and hair tumbling over her shoulders, and he _wants_ her so badly it hurts.

Serena's gaze moves to his and she smiles, patting the floor beside her. Dan wanders over, trying to be as steady as possible. When he drops to the ground she's looking at him with a wry smile, "Two and a half glasses of wine and you can barely walk." He tries to chuckle to give the impression of sobriety and accidently snorts.

For all her instructions for him to 'shhhhhh' earlier, Serena does nothing to stifle the hysterical laughter that echoes airily off the walls as she falls to her back and clutches her side.

"Oh come on, as if it is that funny."

Serena is quite the seasoned drinker compared to Dan, but she's drunk enough that it _is _that funny, "Oh…..I….I.." She cannot get the words out around her breathlessness. Dan frowns at her with fondness, leaning over her form that is still shaking with mirth. He rests his hands either side of Serena, waiting for the giggles to cease. Her cheeks are rosy from smiling and she reaches up to play with his ears, "You're very accidently funny, future husband of mine."

_Future husband_ makes his heart feel as though it's in his throat. Serena had been slow to warm up to the marriage lingo, just as she had been towards the idea of marriage in general. But Dan was patient, and eventually she found herself as excited about their wedding and marriage as he is.

Dan puts most of his weight on one arm, running his free hand from her hip, past the dip of her waist to the curve of her breast. The touch is so light it almost isn't there, and Serena grasps a firm handful of his hair, pulling his face down to hers. Dan half falls on her, unprepared, and suddenly they're barely two inches apart, their breath mingling as Serena smiles unreservedly at him. One of his legs is between hers and Serena feels somewhat more sober when she notices his body pressed up against hers. Dan's crooked grin adorns his face, and he leans in to nuzzle her nose with his own,

"You know what, future wife of mine?" His hand is wandering about the skin beneath her bra, and Serena's eyes flutter closed,

"Mmhmmm.." She answers breathily as his lips caress the skin below her ear.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea….for you to make fun of me…considering you're so ticklish.." He murmurs in between kisses.

"Mmmm, what has that got to do with anything?" Serena's voice is laced with desire and pleasure, barely more than a whisper. The hand beneath her shirt moves back to her side, and Dan bites her gently on the ear before digging his fingers into her skin.

"Ahhhhhh! Daaan!" She squeals and wriggles under him, trapped between the hand that's tickling her and his body. He laughs and assaults her other side, resting his weight lightly atop her while she smacks him on the shoulders, "Stop! DAAN!" Her childish laughter begets her enjoyment though her tone is irate, and he lowers his face to hers,

"Say you're sorry for making fun of me!"

"I….I wasn't…"

He launches another attack on her sensitive skin, and Serena's giggles become louder.

"Don't deny it Van der Woodsen!"

By now she can barely speak and her sides are aching from tickling and laughter, so all she manages to do is nod.

"You're sorry?"

She nods again, and Dan stills his hands. Her breaths are heaving as she recovers, and the pressure of her chest against his is unexpectedly a turn on. She smacks him on the chest, "You are going to regret that."

Dan chuckles, "Oh, am I? What are you going to do, cook me dinner again?"

Serena gasps, her mouth agape, "Daniel Humphrey, how dare y-" He swallows her words, taking the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. She resists at first, then nips at his lower lip and kisses him back aggressively, noticing the snowflakes building up on the skylight behind his head. She pulls her mouth from his, breathing heavily once more.

"Dan?"

"Yeah?" He winds a gold curl through his fingers.

"It's snowing again." Dan turns to look, and she takes the chance to reach up and place a gentle kiss to his cheek, "Merry Christmas, husband."

He remembers the other night they spent here and how nervous he was. Looking back now Dan cringes at how awkward he was, not sure what to do with his hands and accidently elbowing himself before head butting Serena. He couldn't have known then they'd be in the same position years later, mere weeks away from their wedding after breaking up and making up thrice. That they'd have dated their way through many strangers and as many friends before coming back together. Let alone that they would get drunk one night and decide to break into the gallery in Brooklyn where they'd first surrendered themselves to each other completely. But, here they are, and despite the messy road that had led them here neither one would ever change it.

He looks back down at her, all soft, willing and warm. _And his, for the rest of his life, his,_ "Merry Christmas, Mrs Humphrey."

* * *

><p>Okay, so in reality they'd get caught on cameras and arrested, but this is pointless fluff, anything can happen in the world of pointless fluff!<p> 


	7. 1x13

Seriously people, I need suggestions. My list is looking exhausted.

* * *

><p>He isn't sure how long he waits at the front steps of Constance, but it makes no difference; Serena doesn't come to school. There is no worse day in the history of worst days Dan could have left his cell phone at home, and time seems to pass so slowly he actually thinks it starts moving backwards. Asking Blair had been totally fruitless, <em>I don't have time for you right now Humphrey, or ever for that matter, <em>and for the thousandth time he wondered why Serena was friends with someone so self-absorbed. He searches for Eric at lunch to no avail; the youngest Van der Woodsen is either avoiding him or absent as well. People whispered about him more often than not since he and Serena had started dating, but Dan is unaccustomed to dealing with the onslaught alone. When the bell finally tolls, he walks as fast as he can out the gates without running, pretty sure he'll punch the next person who mentions his girlfriend's name.

Dan sits on the bus on the way to the Palace, and try as he might he cannot get the Gossip Girl blast from his mind.

_Is S really with child?_

The whole situation is surreal, something that doesn't _really _happen, not to people like him. Not to Serena. But the fact that she didn't show up at school is pretty damning, and by the time Dan gets off the bus his insides are all twisted with anxiety. As usual he is greeted by the scowl of the large concierge, and Dan forgoes his normal attempt at conversation. The elevator to the suite is painfully slow, but a part of him hopes it stops and goes back to the ground floor; _what if's _are bombarding him from every angle, his sharp mind churning them out at an impressive rate.

_What if it's true?_

_What if it's not?_

_What if she didn't want me to know?_

_What if she wants to get rid of it?_

_What if she doesn't?_

Caught up in his own thoughts, the _ping_ of the elevator startles him. He walks robotically down the hall, stopping in front of the door and staring at it. A lesser man may have been tempted to walk away; Serena doesn't know he's here yet.

_Whatever Serena decides to do….I want to be there for her, I _have_ to be there for her. I love her._

Dan grasps the doorknob and walks purposefully into the Van der Woodsen suite.

* * *

><p><em>Hey, this is Dan, just, uh, leave me a message and I'll get back to you.<em>

Serena drops the phone onto the couch with a soft sigh, flopping back onto the pile of cushions. Her bag is thrown haphazardly on the floor, and she has a neat little line of empty test boxes arranged on the coffee table. She'd always taken blasts from Gossip Girl fearlessly, but the one Eric had shown her on the way to school had her scuttling home to hide from the fallout. Whatever God there is has been looking down on her, since Lily is out of town for the week and her little brother might be the most understanding and supportive fourteen year old in the world.

Yet she would gladly endure Lily's withering gaze right now for Dan to pick up the phone. Because, for all the stupid mistakes she's made, all the times she's felt the sting of abandonment and disappointment, nothing compares to the raw isolation eating its way through her now.

_What if his phone died?_

_What if he's angry?_

_What if he hates me?_

_What if he doesn't want me anymore?_

She'd literally felt her heart and stomach drop when the two little pink lines had appeared on the test that morning, and as each test had the same result she felt less and less, until she had a complete row all reading positive and could feel nothing at all.

_This isn't real, these things don't actually happen._ But it is, and they do, and each time Dan's phone goes to voicemail Serena despairs a little further.

_What if he doesn't want me anymore?_

She didn't think she could handle it this morning. Now, seventeen unanswered calls later, it's all she can do not to curl up into a ball and sob.

"Serena?"

The familiar deep, gentle voice of her boyfriend sends a cool sensation of relief down her body, closely followed by blind panic. _He saw the blast._

"Hello, is anyone…" His voice trails off as he wanders towards her room, grateful so far he hasn't seen Lily.

Serena sighs, moving to sit up on the couch, legs tucked beneath her, "Dan?" His head pops into the room, and their eyes meet awkwardly. She knows he can see the hesitance in her gaze, the fear; his own brown eyes are a mixture of relief and apprehension. Still, a small smile comes unbidden to her face, "Hey."

The word is soft, scared, and Dan smiles his trademark crooked grin at his girlfriend, "Hey."

He sits on the couch beside her and both are careful not to touch eachother. The distance between them is alien, but Serena's too unsure of him to breach it right now. He's looking at her, wishing she'd look back. But Serena is afraid, afraid that she's going to lose the most important person in her life, and that fear keeps her blue eyes focused on her hands in her lap.

"I tried calling you. You've probably got twenty messages on your voicemail."

Dan doesn't like the uncertainty in her voice, the way it makes her waver. "I'm sorry, I left my cell at home," she nods almost imperceptibly, "Serena-"

"I'm sorry." She says, cutting him off.

"For what?"

She laughs humourlessly, "Oh, Dan….." The space between them is unbearable, and he can see a teary light in her eyes and a sad tremble to her chin.

_Fuck it._

He reaches across, wraps his fingers about her wrist and gently pulls her over to him. She falls against his shoulder, allowing him to wrap her in his embrace. As monumentally screwed up the situation is, in that moment with his warmth (physical and emotional) radiating up her side and his smell pressed against her face, she's so contented, so secure.

_He wants me, even now he wants me._

"I love you."

_What?_

Thoughts, feelings, fears, they all stop dead in their tracks. And suddenly she's a little unsettled, leaning back to look at him, "Dan…"

"I do." There's unadulterated honesty in his brown eyes, an honesty so pure she could cry, "Whether you're pregnant," she winces at the word out loud, "or whether you're not, I love you. And there is nothing you could say right now to change it."

A tear slides down her cheek, and Dan frowns, "No, no, don't do that. It's okay." Serena puts her hands either side of his face and pulls his lips to hers, kissing him slowly, softly. She pulls away, resting her forehead on his. They stay that way, breathing each other in.

"Dan?" It's barely a whisper, and he strokes her face with is thumb, "Yeah?"

_You must say it. You cannot run from this, you _must _say it. _

"I'm pregnant." She murmurs tearfully, playing with one of his ears.

"I know." She grasps the hand that's against her face, her grip tight,

"I'm _pregnant._" She's shy and scared and a little bit heartbroken, and Dan kisses her cheek, her nose, her forehead.

"It's okay, Serena. It's going to be okay."

Serena lets out a sob, pushing him back to stare with her panicked navy eyes, "How? How is this okay?" Saying it out loud has given it shape and form, and it's overwhelmingly scary all of a sudden. "What am I going to tell my Mum, or your Dad? I don't even know what I….what to…..I don't know."

Dan wishes he had more experience with women, because she's looking to him for answers and he doesn't know what to say. To him, it's simple; whatever she chooses to do, he loves her; that isn't to say he knows what she should do.

"I wish I could tell you what to do," He says softly, "But I can't make this choice for you. Whatever happens, you need to know I'm here," he takes her face in both hands and stares straight at her, because she _must _know this, "_We _will figure out what to tell Lily, and _we _will figure out how to handle this."

Serena stares at her boyfriend, all sure and confident and _still here_, and she wonders what she did to deserve someone so…so _beautiful_. Panic and fear and pure, unadulterated adoration are warring within her, and she didn't know it was possible to feel so conflicted and so content at once. Serena had loved her father as much as a child could, and he left; Carter had loved her so long as she was light and airy, and he left too. Lily, Blair, Nate, Chuck, Georgina- all of them had abandoned her at some point or another, even when she'd done her best to please them, to make them _stay._

And here is a boy she's known for less than a year, someone she's dragged to events he hated full of people he hated more, someone who her best friend and mother regard with open disdain, and he's still here, looking at her no differently than he had yesterday. She might have just ruined his life, he of all people has reason to leave.

And he's still here. It kind of blows her mind.

"I love you too." It's the scariest thing she's ever said, including the proclamation of pregnancy moments before. Dan smiles, all warm brown eyes and crooked grin, and nothing has ever felt as comforting as the small kiss he presses on her cheek,

"I promise you, Serena, it will be okay."

It's not an answer. But she smiles through her distress and kisses him softly, because she believes him. She trusts him. She _loves_ him.


	8. 1x13 part 2

This one is dedicated to d4s, who asked for a contiuation of last chapter. Lily gets a rough interpretation, but meh. Thanks heaps for the reviews, sorry for the delay in updates my lovelies :)

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><p>Dan hazily plays with a lock of hair as Serena naps, winding the golden strands around his fingers gently. His girlfriend has an effortless beauty about her that is quite apparent when she sleeps; lips slightly parted, face impassive, the even rise and fall of her chest. He's lying on the couch and she's lying on him, one hand folded beneath her face and the other wrapped about his middle as if she's afraid he'll leave.<p>

_I love you too._

Truthfully, the unadulterated fear she tried to hide when she mumbled it had been one of worst things he'd ever seen, second only to the tears that rolled down her cheeks after _I'm pregnant._ Dan isn't sure why it was so scary for her, but he's beginning to appreciate how much morethere is to her, and how much more he wants to know. Nothing he said got her to stop shaking, so he held her tightly, pressing his lips to her hair until she slowly drifted off to sleep.

After the twelfth time Serena's phone rang he'd turned it off and tossed it onto one of the armchairs, resisting the urge to throw it out the window. He loves Serena, so so much, but he fucking _hates_ the voyeuristic nature of the Upper East Side and the fact that they're trying to deal with this as best they know how while half of New York is watching with bated breath. The way people had looked at him at school and smirked, laughed even, as though they're pleased to see their relationship stumble; he didn't know it was possible to loathe people you barely know quite this much, but he does, every last label-whoring entitled pretentious one. Dan hopes that when he approached Blair that morning she hadn't read the blast, because if that's her reaction to the photo of Serena and that pregnancy test his opinion of her is officially unsalvageable.

Serena moves in atop him, the arm around him tightening as she buries her face in his chest, yawning. He smiles, sweeping her hair from her face,

"Do you feel better?" She mumbles an affirmation against him, rolling back to look up at him with sleepy blue eyes.

"What time is it?"

He works the kinks from one of his shoulders, "I don't know, I threw your phone over…there, somewhere." He gestures in the general direction of the chairs, and she braces herself against his shoulders. Serena's still drowsy, and she brings up a knee to try and sit up only to get Dan right in the stomach.

"Oooff!" He cringes as the wind's knocked out of him, and she scrambles backward, "Oh, I'm sorry!" Serena slides in between him and the back of the couch, giggling a little at his face. She looks at him, clutching his side where she's kneed him, the line of empty pregnancy tests on the table behind him, and she can't help but giggle again.

They're seventeen and pregnant; there's nothing funny about it. Lily's head might actually explode when she finds out, and she's not sure how Rufus will react but she doubts it'll be positive. Gossip Girl took the liberty of informing the whole world except the people she's really dreading saying it to, and the irony makes her laugh harder. Dan's staring at her quizzically, but there's a lift to his mouth, and he begins to chuckle as she leans into the couch and closes her eyes in mirth.

It's the most serious situation she's ever been in, and it's so monumentally screwed up that she either has to laugh or cry about it, and she's cried herself out for the moment. Besides, this reaction is much more satisfying-if less appropriate.

Dan's confused, but he's just so glad she isn't crying that he laughs along with her, and they sit on the couch a few minutes giggling like idiots. Serena starts to compose herself, but she looks at Dan's smiling face and cracks up again.

It's just all too fucked up.

Serena braces her elbows on her knees and buries her face in her hands as the laughter makes a more permanent dissipation, cheeks sore from smiling. Dan chuckles, resting a hand on her thigh and bumping her shoulder with his own. Serena's hair bounces as she shakes her head, "Dan, I think-"

The swing of the suite door cuts her off, and as Lily's voice wafts into the lounge Dan can actually see the colour wash from Serena's face as she whips her head around to face the sound. Her blue eyes meet his, wide and panicked and she wants to _runrunrun._

"What is she doing here?" She half whispers in a voice pitched with fear. Dan stares quizzically, "How would I-"

"She's supposed to be at Canyon Ranch, what is she doing here?" Serena jumps from the couch, frantically sweeping the empty pregnancy tests into her arms and looking for somewhere to stash them. Dan grabs his school bag and helps her shove them inside just as Lily wanders gracefully into the room,

"Where is ever- oh, Serena." She smiles ever so slightly at her daughter, glancing over the two of them standing awkwardly in the middle of the lounge room, Dan's bag between them. Serena cringes inwardly. It'd be hard to look more guilty.

"Dan, it's nice to see you." Every time she says it he wonders how she really feels about his presence, but he savours her poised, practised greeting this time. After Serena tells her their news Dan anticipates she'll spend a while greeting him a whole different way.

"You too, Lily."

Serena's been curiously quiet, but she smiles carefully at her mother, "I thought you weren't coming back till Thursday."

Lily places her purse on the counter, "I was, but Bart called and said he had a benefit come up and that we simply must attend together. Mother was planning on heading back early anyway. You'd know all this if you'd answer your phone, I rang you from the airport." Dan thinks about all the calls he'd assumed were texts or blasts from Gossip Girl, now wishing he'd answered one of them so they'd had some warning of her arrival.

"I'm…sorry." Serena says softly, and Lily gives her a querying look before walking out of the room. Serena's a _good_ liar when the need calls for it, and it sure as hell does now, but the way her mother is acting so normal, like everything is fine when it's so not is freaking her out. She wonders how she's going to tell her and how irrevocably this is going their relationship, and she feels as panicked as she did when she first saw the positive test.

Dan's staring at her unmoving form and wonders if this is a normal reaction. He leans out to look in her eyes, and they dart to meet his, "You okay?" He says it with a half-smile, and she gives him a tight smile as she nods a little. He rubs her arm and a tiny nervous giggle falls from her lips, "That was close."

"Daniel, your father was just on the phone."

They jump at Lily's proximity and the stealthy way she's managed to reappear at the doorframe, arms crossed as she regards them both with an unreadable, ominous epression. Dan's heart feels like it skips a beat then returns at twice its normal rate as Lily's stone gaze burns into them, and he hopes against hope his father didn't say anything.

Serena picks up her schoolbag, blissfully unaware Rufus has blown their secret as wide open as Gossip Girl did that morning, "Hey, we're just going to go-"

"Serena Celia Van der Woodsen. Sit down."

She stills beside him, and Dan swears he can hear a barely audible whimper come from his girlfriend. He meant it when he said they would explain this to their parents together, but he hadn't thought that would be quite so soon. He would have liked a few days to prepare his mental fortitude for the onslaught Lily is about to throw at them now.

Serena drops straight to the couch, her palms slick with sweat and heart beating somewhere up in her throat. She's done plenty of stupid things, and seen Lily react accordingly; public drunkenness, skipping class, drug possession. Nothing is scarier than the total lack of emotion on her face now.

Dan sits beside her carefully, sliding his hand into hers. It's clammy but he doesn't care, squeezing her fingers in his own. Lily moves across the room in stiff, robotic movements and braces her hands on the back of the couch facing them. Serena stares at her inexpressive face, but when Lily's gaze rises she drops her eyes to the carpet. She's scared and unsure and _needs_ her mother, but it's a child's fantasy to believe Lily Van der Woodsen would consider that right now. Serena would like to melt away into the couch beneath her, but Dan's presence beside her is solid and warm and she unsteadily looks to her mother, hand clenching around his. The closed stare of her mother makes her want to cry again, and she opens her mouth to speak. Lily raises a hand swiftly, face pinched in anger,

"DON'T."

She shrinks imperceptibly and Dan has never seen his girlfriend so submissive. He shuffles closer and stares right at Lily though she is intently fixed on Serena. A few carefully measured breaths and she opens her mouth, jaw tight and voice low.

"You've done a lot of stupid things in your life Serena. A lot of stupid, _selfish_ things," She shakes her head, disappointment rolling off her in tangible waves, "But this is worse than all of them."

Serena wishes Dan was somewhere else, somewhere he didn't have to hear her mother say such awful things, such_ true_ things, but at the same time she thanks a higher power he's here. "Mum-"

"I know about your lifestyle, as much as I try to ignore it, and I cannot believe with all your experience you could _let _something like this happen! I mean, this is really it, isn't it Serena? There is nothing more you could possibly do now is there, short of getting arrested for arson. Though God knows you've been arrested for less."

Serena feels a tear escape down her cheek, and she swallows, looking up at her mother's iron glare, full of anger and torment and _how could you do this to me?_

"Do you think I enjoy this, Serena? Do you think I enjoy spending my time cleaning up after your mistakes, trying to save your reputation from yourself? Keeping your name out of the papers and making 'donations' to keep you from being expelled? Do you even think about what this does to me?"

_Me me ME,_ no matter what she does everything comes back to Lily. She's seventeen and pregnant, and somehow Lily manages to make even that about her. That fact hurts the most.

Dan's always been socially awkward, but he's never felt as out of place as he does now. Lily's raving at her daughter like he's not there, and he feels like he should say something but isn't sure where the boundary is here. Still, his girlfriend's hand is shaking in his, and though Lily is one of the most intimidating people he's ever met, he clears his throat.

"Lily, have you even thought about what this is doing to Serena?"

He feels like he just volunteered to be eaten, the way her face fixates on him and she digs her nails into the couch.

"Go home, Daniel." He frowns defiantly and says nothing, "Daniel Humphrey, go ho-"

"Don't you dare tell him to get out!" Serena has been so quiet he jumps at the fire in her voice as she straightens her shoulders and stares at her mother, something hard and strong and raw in her eyes.

"How dare you-"

"Yes! ME! This is happening to ME!" Lily balks, and Serena stands up to face her mother, "You don't think I know how stupid this is? You think I'm not afraid and angry with myself?" Dan stands but doesn't move to stop her. Lily deserves to hear this, she needs to hear it.

"And all those things you do, covering up my mistakes, I didn't ask you to do any of that! And how _dare_ you stand there and act like you did any of that for me!"

"Who else-"

"IT'S YOU! It's always been for you! Everything you fucking do is so _you'll _look good, everything that happens is about _you_!" Serena's shouting and crying, and Lily has backed off somewhat but she's still standoffish, staring her daughter down with cold eyes. "I'm pregnant, I'm _pregnant_ and I could really use my Mum right now." She falters, and Dan rubs her back gently, and there's a heartbroken quality to her voice, "I'm scared and, and, I don't know what to do and I could really use my Mum, and all you care about is yourself."

She trails off, and the room descends into the most uneasy silence he's ever experienced. Serena's hoping, praying for a flicker of something kind in her mother's eyes, but their relationship is so scarred and Lily is so tied up in what people will think she can't seem to allow even that. Serena looks away, and Dan takes the opportunity to pick up their bags, tugging her towards the door. Lily says nothing as they exit the suite; Serena's not sure if she's hurt or relieved.

"Where are we going?" She mumbles to Dan as he shuts the door behind them, looking at the ground. He takes her face in both his hands, brushing a few stray tears from her cheeks and examining her a moment, his perfect, broken girl,

"You aren't staying here."

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><p>They shuffle into the loft quietly, Serena's arm wrapped around his middle. It's late and the lights are dimmed, but Jenny still pokes her head out of her room when she hears them come in. When she opens her mouth to speak Dan meets her gaze and shakes his head, <em>not tonight.<em> God bless her, she gives him a concerned look, waves at Serena and goes back into her room.

He takes her to his room and she collapses on the bed. She's tired of today, tired of people and crying and feeling. Dan brushes her hair from her face,

"You want a hot chocolate?"

She smiles at him, at the protective way he's kept a hold of her hand since the moment they saw Lily and how his warmth hasn't left her since she told him they were pregnant. Serena nods, and he kisses her forehead before walking out.

_He'd make a good Dad…_

Dan shuts the door to his room when he sees Rufus sitting in the kitchen, shoulders tensed. He sighs, rubbing his temples,

"Hey Dad."

"Dan. Serena's staying the night, huh? I should think you'd ask, given it was this sort of thing that probably got you in this situation in the first place." His tone is blessedly kinder than Lily's, though disapproving.

Dan gets out two mugs, regarding his father over the bench, "She couldn't stay there Dad."

"Serena is Lily's daughter, Dan, you have to let them talk this out together."

"Yeah, which I would have done if there was actual talking involved." Rufus' brow is furrowed, and he raises his eyebrows to prompt Dan further, "You weren't there. You should have heard the things Lily said to Serena, they were….I couldn't leave her there. Not like that."

Rufus' eyes soften, and despite himself he sees his own instincts in his son. Dan spoons out the cocoa, and Rufus smiles slightly. "You really love her, don't you?"

"I said I did. But yeah, I do." He glances toward his bedroom, smiling crookedly at the thought of Serena curled up on his doona cover, "I _really _do." Rufus nods, shrugs and walks away with a sigh,

"I'm not pleased with this Dan. I'm disappointed in you, as a child." Dan pours the warm milk into the mugs; he knows his father wants only the best for him. "But I'm proud of you, as a man." Dan looks up, and his father has a sincere look to his eyes, "You're a good man, and that's the most important thing you can be. Serena can stay here."

Dan smiles with thanks, and he takes a bag of marshmallows with him into his room.

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><p>That night, as she drifts off to sleep, a belly full of chocolate and sugar, Serena snuggles into Dan's chest and hopes when she wakes up it won't be real. She knows it will; tomorrow her mother will still hate her and she'll still feel the pain of it, she'll still be a pregnant teenager. But when she breathes in Dan's smell and his arms tighten around her, it doesn't seem so bad.<p>

Lily will still be there, and the…the _baby_ will still be there, but so will Dan. She looks up at his dozing face, lips pouting in sleep, and she kisses his chin gently,

"I love you." She says it with all the sincerity she has, with every honest and good part of her there is, and her heart buoys when he lays a hazy kiss on her eyebrow and mumbles,

"I love you too."

_But so will Dan._


	9. 1x04

Eh, I'm sure how I feel about it. Not my best, but we all need some pointless happy fanfic, especially right now, given the show is angst central. Dedicated to The Weekend Sinner who gave me the idea :)

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><p>In the short amount of time they'd known eachother, spending time with Serena seemed to inevitably end up with him in foreign places. Today, it would seem, is no exception.<p>

A woman takes a moment to stare at him as she runs past him on the stairs, and Dan hopes he's in the right place. It is a fashion shoot, he can tell that much, but is it the right one?

_How man fashion shoots can there possibly be?_

Truthfully, he has no idea. But the idea of Serena Van der Woodsen waiting for him, for _Dan Humphrey,_ compels him further up the stairs. As out of place as he feels, it's thankfully devoid of Blair, Chuck and Nate. So far anyway. He'd practically felt like an alien at the Kiss on the Lips party, a sensation dwarfed by how immensely out of place he was at the Bass Brunch. He's awkward socially, he knows that, and never moreso than around the pretentious peers from school, but for the first time in his life that-and them- had seemed so…insignificant. Though he knew disdainful eyes followed him everywhere on the Upper East Side, all Dan could see, all he cared about, were the ones of mischief and laughter, the blue eyes that regarded him with warmth and curiosity and….fondness?

_Pull yourself together, Humphrey._

Two semi-dates- he isn't sure what to call them- and while Serena seems intrigued by him, Dan isn't sure in what capacity her interest lies.

_Are we friends?_

_Are we more?_

_Are we neither?_

Dan wishes he had more experience with girls, and a part of him is extremely reticent to believe Serena Van der Woodsen, _the _Serena Van der Woodsen is interested in him in _any _way. But as he gets to see a little more of Blair Waldorf- something he loathes to think will happen more frequently if Serena is interested in him like….like _that-_ he notices how different Serena is. Girls on the Upper East Side cut their teeth on boys like him, girls like Blair, but Serena is something else. The conceit, the deliberate poise, the indifference, she has none of it. She's warm and wild and accidental, and she's so far beyond the girl he thought she was.

It only makes him more smitten (though he's not sure that's possible).

He finally reaches the end of the stairs, very slowly opening the door and glancing out. Maybe if he's in the wrong place they won't notice him and he can slink back to Brooklyn with some dignity intact. Dan surveys the garden, the tripods, clothes racks, cameras, people running to and fro, until he spies a head of loose blonde curls. She's sitting with a casual confidence that follows her everywhere, legs swinging beneath the table she's on as she watches Blair talking with an older brunette he assumes is her mother. Dan closes the door, feeling the conflicting surge of confidence and nervousness she inspires in him, and wanders over to her in slow, measured steps.

He's still trying to think of something witty or suave to greet her with when Serena turns in his direction, eyes lighting up when they reach him. His heart literally flutters, a feeling he didn't believe was real, and he can't help but believe she feels _something_ for him. The goofy happiness on her face suggests as much. She hops from the table and bounds over to him, another thing he adores already. It's so ungainly, so not what a high society girl should do, so exuberant and sincere, and Dan feels a smile come unbidden to his face.

"Dan!" This feeling, the sheer pleasure at someone else's presence, is something Serena's never felt before. Of all the boys (men) she's been with, none made her feel this way. He's standing in front of her, brown eyes honest and inviting, one hand rolling up a sleeve and looking around at everything like he's been dropped on Mars. He's cute and sweet and a little bit awkward, and Serena's just so, so…_happy,_ so happy he's here, and she isn't sure what to make of that yet.

"Hey, this is a nice spot. If my roof looked like this I might send more time up there." It's a typically Dan Humphrey thing to say, and though he seems to cringe at himself Serena giggles,

"I'm glad you're here."

_She's glad I'm here, that's a good thing. I hope, there's no way that could be a bad thing...is there?_

There's a distance between them, but Dan isn't sure how physical this should be at this point and Serena's never done something like this is earnest, so she settles for grabbing him by the hand and tugging him over to where she was sitting earlier. They settle down next to eachother, a few inches between their thighs on the table,

"I was about to send out a search party, you've been so punctual up until now." From someone else it might sound like nitpicking, but Serena has this way of speaking, with laughter on the edge of her voice, and Dan smiles crookedly at her,

"Yeah, I was held up in the hall, some woman thought I was here to help move props and gave me a plastic palm tree." Serena giggles, her eyes crinkling in mirth and he chuckles a little; it's closer to the truth than she probably thinks. Dan can see Blair from where he's sitting, strutting back and forth across the blank screen behind her, hair and makeup fixed in a deliberate perfection he dislikes. His brown eyes cross to Serena, who's looking at Blair with a sweet fondness he cannot understand.

Dan clears his throat, "So, I guess you're used to this sort of thing, growing up on the Upper East Side."

Serena's blue eyes regard him openly, "Fashion shoots?"

"Well, yeah, things like…this," He gestures vaguely in the direction of the cameras and people running around with hairspray and reflective sheets. She shrugs, wrinkling her nose a little. Dan knew she was sexy and beautiful, but he hadn't known until they'd started hanging out, or whatever it is they're doing, how damn _cute _she is.

"They were always happening, I guess, but I never took much notice. This is the most exciting thing," She mimics his hand movements, and Dan laughs a little, "like this I've ever been to."

Dan's brow furrows, "This is the best one? I'd hate to see the worst, what makes this more exciting?"

Serena glances down, biting her lip before meeting his gaze, smiling sheepishly, "Well, you're here."

If he had been standing, Dan might have fallen over.

Serena smiles with more confidence at him, his eyebrows raised in surprise and lips slightly parted, and her gaze lingers a second on those lips. He's nervous and sweet, but just looking at them she knows he's a good kisser, and she wonders what it would feel like.

_Snap out of it!_

She realises she's staring and immediately switches her gaze Blair. Dan is still a little dumbfounded and didn't notice her looking at his mouth, but her movement prompts him to respond.

"This is definitely the best one of these I've ever been to."

Serena turns back to him, "Really, what makes this one the best?" She says playfully. Dan has the quirkiest sense of humour, so honest and clever. It's a refreshing break from that of her peers who are so fixated on saying the right thing all the time, giving measured answers and jibes to everything.

Dan looks thoughtful, rubbing his chin, "The décor, it's so fresh, so edgy yet familiar, and the whole fake plant thing, can't go past plastic palms." Her laughter is bright and airy, and it makes him think of birds and wind chimes and other Disney clichés, "And of course, there's the company."

"Mmmhmm, the company?"

"Oh yes, there's this one blonde girl, she's delightful, I'll introduce you next time." They smile at eachother, and when Serena opens her mouth to answer she's cut off by the superior tone which can only belong to Blair Waldorf.

"Ugh, that man responsible for the lighting has no idea what he's doing, we're going to be here all day." She speaks directly to Serena before glancing in his direction with a disdainful hooded gaze,

"Can't say I expected to see you here, are you lost? Queens is that way." She points over her shoulder, and Dan bristles but Serena beats him to it,

"Blair," Its firm and chastising, but the petite brunette shrugs it off, turning her gaze back to the blonde,

"Don't worry, I have no energy to dedicate to him today. Do you think this dress makes me look bloated?"

Serena's eyes soften, and she takes her friend's hand, "You look great, B, really. It's going to be amazing!" There's an insecurity to Blair he's never seen before, and as she strolls back over at the call of her mother, he understands their friendship a little more.

Serena sighs, "I'm sorry about her…" Dan shrugs it off, "Its okay, the feeling is kinda mutual."

He doesn't want to overstep his bounds, but Dan's curiosity drives him forward, "No offense, but how are you two…how are you friends, with someone like that?"

Serena smiles wryly at him, thankfully appearing nonplussed by the question, which leads him to think she's answered it before.

"I know how she comes off, but Blair's a good friend." She laughs at his raised eyebrow and disbelieving look, "You've managed to see the worst of her, but I promise, once you get to know her she's smart and loyal and strong, when you're friends…" His face becomes more sceptical, and she laughs, "You'll dislike her less eventually."

Dan nods, still dubious. _Wait…_

"Eventually? So there's an eventually…" He trails off, gauging her reaction.

Serena likes this strange vibe he has, this confidence mingled with awkward nervousness, and she grins, "Well, this date is definitely going smoother than the last two."

He cheers internally, _date!_ Dan nods, "Smoother maybe, but this one lacks the dramatic atmosphere of the others. Maybe we'll be lucky and Chuck Bass will show up, he was a common denominator in the less than optimal end to our other dates." Date, he loves the word…

Serena takes on a slightly baleful expression and looks down at her hands, "I'm sorry again, about Chuck…"

Dan's brow furrows, "You…don't have to apologise for Chuck Bass."

"I know, it's just…I've known him since we were kids, and I kinda feel responsible for the stupid things he does when you're around because you don't know him." Dan blinks at her, but she can see an understanding light in his eyes. Behind it there's a questioning. He's curious about what Chuck said at the Bass brunch but doesn't know how to ask it.

Serena's _very_ reticent to talk about it, but Dan gives a sense of security that's foreign to her, something she's always wanted and never had. Her blue eyes meet his brown ones carefully. She sighs and hopes that if he was going to leave he'd have done so already.

"And I'm sorry about what he said last week, at the Palace…"

"That was about you, you don't have to be sorry for me."

"I do…" Dan scoots a little closer, and she takes strength from it, "I….there's a lot of things about me you don't know."

His mouth quirks crookedly, "I look forward to finding out."

"There not all things you'll…you might not like them."

Dan never would have thought Serena Van der Woodsen had this insecure, vulnerable side to her, but nevertheless her eyes are unfocused and she's fidgeting, and he feels _so _guilty for reacting _so _fiercely at the Bass brunch. Their…_relationship…_is very new; he doesn't know the protocol here and he doesn't know where the boundaries lie. All he knows is she looks wary and sort of afraid and he doesn't know what to say (for once).

Instead of words, he reaches across and places a hand over hers, closing his fingers around hers. It's simple and kind, and Serena looks up to see a confident, bright set of brown eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He doesn't know her well enough yet to understand the significance of those words, that everyone in her life she'd ever loved or needed had gone _somewhere. _Serena's heard people say it before. This is the first time she believes it.

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><p>Need suggestions for future fics my lovelies :)<p> 


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